yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
