he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
