it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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