I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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