there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know her cup size but not her name....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
