none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
