Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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