apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
