I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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