I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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