She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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