Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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