Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
