The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
