i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
