I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
