I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
