I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
