3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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