She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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