how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
