her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
