i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
