So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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