I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
