I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
