Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
