I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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