Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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