I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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