i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
