oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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