If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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