So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
