I wannas sexs uuuuu
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
