The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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