I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
