I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
