playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
