An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
