Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
