Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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