I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
