I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
