I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
