I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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