No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
