some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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