My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
