But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
True but thats because hes a fetus.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
