Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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