You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
