Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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