Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
