Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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