now i know why i became what i already was.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
