So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Vodka?
Forever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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