You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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