the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
