I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
