Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
