so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
