He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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