But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
home. puking in laundry basket.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
