i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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