I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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