OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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