I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
