There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
