he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
