I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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