I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
