I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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