the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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