I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
