Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
