Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
